Where am I?

It is scary when we start questioning our life choices. Especially when we reach our mid 30-s. Read to know how it is never too late.

Respond to every call that excites your spirit ~ Rumi

Almost every other morning, with a cup of coffee, I ask myself this, ‘Where am I?’
But before I even let the question sink in and brood on the answer, I find myself getting sucked into the daily chores of laundry, cooking, sending my husband off to work, waking my little one up, so on and so forth. By the time I’m able to catch a break to even check the clock, it is already 12 pm! Wonder how time flies. But yes, I do manage to do all that while munching on my breakfast, which is almost always a cup of oats. I have one rule, never skip a meal.

It was just a week ago that I finally had the time to contemplate the question again. ‘Where am I? Did I reach where I wanted to be all my life?’ FYI, I always have multiple options/plans for everything. I call it my fallback plan. I always ensure that I am not only not disappointed but also be happy, that I am where I am, as a choice. However, for the first time, this wasn’t the case. Growing up, I always wanted to be a housewife. I was a typical Indian girl, hailing from a conservative family, looking up to her mother as the ideal woman, a housewife who manages the family and home. She is the best mother one could ask for and I have envied her life. I wanted to achieve that. Soon after college, I started drifting in thoughts of ‘but I do want to work before I start a family’. Soon I was amidst the workforce and trust me, it was the best decision I made. I LOVED every bit of it. My curiosity led me to understand rather than accept everything at face value and helped broaden my horizon. I changed or rather evolved as a person. Most importantly, I became tolerant and accepting of every single culture and religion, people with different characters, all of which I really wasn’t very good at when I joined work. In fact, I was terrible at all those.

I am quite happy at how much I have evolved, thanks to all the life lessons, the people who have come and gone and the ones that stayed. Every single person I met has taught me something. And that part of me, that welcomes criticism, advice, patience, to smile off rubbish, I gained from my work life. The good, the bad and the ugly toughened up the naive girl in me. There is a lot for me to learn, a long way yet to go and each day throws up new experiences to learn from.

I picked up a passionate yearning for travelling the world while in my mid 20-s. In fact, it started off with one of the best destinations in the world, Italy followed by Armenia. It’s a place not many know of yet alone travel to, but if not in your list yet, definitely do add it. Extremely cheap, picturesque with the most loving people. It was soon after my trip to Armenia that I found the love of my life and settled down as a housewife. 16 year old me would have been thrilled at how my future turned out to be. Exactly as I had envisioned. But the 30 something me, was restless. Yes, I am blessed with a fantastic companion for life, a lovely baby girl and everything one could dream of. But still, every morning I come back to the same question, ‘Where am I? Have I become who I wanted to be? Am I done travelling, exploring, learning new things outside the comfort of my house?’  Many many more questions followed. None of these stem from dissatisfaction. If anything, I realised, that by opening the gates of travel, I have opened up a whole new world for myself, one where I wouldn’t be satisfied till I keep exploring and travelling the world. I didn’t want to be just a wife or a mother. I know I am much more than that.

Our friends always give us clarity. They know us inside out. I believe they make the best judgment of what we are capable of and who we can become. My best friend, my partner, had been for a while, suggesting that I should blog about literally anything. I thought of it as a cliché’. But he insisted that I do what I do best; write. It was during one afternoon break from baby care that I actually sat down and thought, ‘Why not! Why can’t I write? Just because there are a million blogs out there, why shouldn’t I start one of my own; just like there are a billion restaurants out there and people still wanting to introduce new ones.’ 

So, here I am, finally having decided to ramble away on an online space, like a million others are because hey! Why the hell not?

P.S: This blog is available in Spanish too. Simply click the Spanish button on the top right corner of the page.


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